I can only speak of my own experiences, but if any of this sounds familiar please try to connect with your Base-Line muscles. You've nothing to lose and your life to regain.
Depression - a horrible, sticky cloak of sadness, fear, misery, anger, which I had been with me for so long I couldn't remember different.
Day to day was hard, always more reasons to be angry with myself and sad for the world and each of my mini-breakdowns would weigh me down with more self-loathing and blame.
I can only speak for myself, but my depression was due to physical pain and trauma. I didn't realise that until the depression lifted. I thought it was a fundimental flaw in "me" and I had no hope of things ever improving.
I felt like I couldn't cope, never just calm. Or ever 'happy'. No joy, excitement just this pit of saddness. I was always stressed. Worst case scenario, scared,
Always thinking every possible outcome - If I'd thought it it was my fault if it happened "I should have known better" "I knew, and I didn't do anything about it". Feeling reponsible for everything. Blaming myself - it was my fault after all, it was me that was like this. Why can't I be better?".
All a distant memory now.
If you have chronic pain, the restrictions and tensions on your body could be the physical cause of your depression.
My long-standing depression lifted like a blanket one day as I stood up from a roll-down. From that day on everything was better.
many issues to work through, but finally releasing all the crap in my head and stress in my body.
I had been a mess - tears on waking up, lacking energy and not able to get on with stuff. I disiked myself. Everything was tainted with a negative. I couldn't stop thinking, every scenario and then if something I thought of happened it was my fault because I should have stopped it. I'd thought about it. I knew it was going to happen I should have prevented it.. responsibility for everything. boom I felt like I couldn't cope any more. The tears started. I rarely cried before that, but now I could lose it. Various circumstances added to my stress. Every evening thinking of driving my car into the wall at the end of my street. I didn't because I had visions of severely injuring myself but still being alive and having to deal with my failures. For almost 20 years I thought of suicide daily. Looking back it's not that I wanted to die, I just wanted everything to stop. I considered anti-depressants but a gut feeling that they would tip me over the edge and I would be in the cohort that does kill themselves on anti-depressants stopped me. That and not wanting to have a record of my depression anywhere even on medical notes, an admision of my failure, after all what did I really have to be depressed about? The stigma of mental health came from within,Back To Top
Movement should not be painful.
© Copyright Leigh Blyth BVM&S 2017-2019