The primary cause of all my symptoms?
Long-term mis-usage of my muscles.
How to I know this?
The pain has gone.
Please note, my 'fibro' diagnosis is both self-diagnosed and retrospective. I was too young to voice my pain when it started.
From the sudden itches and biting sensations, jolts of electricity shooting through my limbs, pins and needles, intense spasms and 'stitches' in my sides.
Regularly waking with a "stiff neck" (the pain too much to turn my head for days), aching limbs that exhausted quickly, the painful knees, tight hips and chronic bad back. There was constant pain of one sort or another.
I'd never known any different, I no "healthy" pain-free time to compare to. I grew up thinking the tender areas, random pains and feelings of exhaustion were normal - to be expected after activity or staying in the same position for too long (I was an active child but also liked to sit and read), just a part of life.
As individual symptoms they were easy to dismiss as I must have sat/slept funny, I'd overdone it, I'd injured myself. If I had an 'explanation' for the pain once, I didn't mention it again and after all lots of other people had a lot of pain too, so why should it be any different for me?
Over the years my range of movement became more and more restricted and my body increasingly imbalanced and tense.
I didn't apprecate how much movement I lacked until I started to regain it.
Layer upon layer of restrictions and stored trauma in my connective tissue system applying physical tensions throughout my body. Zig-zagging from left to right, inside to out, front to back.
Chains of tension - twisting and and kinking, compressing and tensing, the whole length of my body as it tried to remain 'upright'.
These restrictions caused a lot of pain in one form or another as they, pulled at their threads.
Adaptations of my connective tissue system in a response to the lack of support becoming more and more restrictive, like a scaffold, bracing me and holding me rigid.
I struggled to believe all the pain was real. That I was not faking it, or imagining it somehow. Life couldn't really be this painful. I doubted myself, blamed myself for everything. hypochondria
The chronic pain left me in a deep depression that lasted nearly 2 decades, the overwhelming feelings of failure and dispair constantly with me. I found no joy in anything, a deep sadness always there, the stress and anger bubbling away.
A decades-long list of body-wide symptoms (all pain related), because I did not use my main muscles of movement correctly and I had no connection to my Base-Line muscles. No internal reference for body alignment. No guide to re-set back to Base-Line healthy after injury. My body carried the trauma it had experienced around with me..
I had been in a cocoon of depression due to the chronic pain.
The way my depression lifted one day as I stood up from a roll-down was convincing enough that it was due to a physical cause. It was that dramatic a change. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't "me" that was broken, it was my body. I was physically wrecked.
It's not easy living with constant pain. The pains and weird sensations, unexplained and doubted. It's nice to have that recognized by someone else, but the self-acknowledgment of my pain, of how real it was, how tough I'd actually been to keep going for so long, was a big part of healing for me. At first reducing my self-loathing about my behaviour, and that I wasn't to blame. The part of emotional releasing
As I recovered I had to relive all the painful symptoms I'd had over the decades. Release the tensions and associated pains I had been carrying around. Working through the trauma as I regained my natural range of movement. I could feel how the pains were never quite in the same place as my body threads were detangled. Whether itwas the bands of tension over my skull or the pains in my knee, I experienced my pain almost in reverse and at a much faster rate - a years pain in a couple of weeks.
As I unravelled the physical mess that I was in, I experienced pains everywhere - shifting around and around. Serving as brief reminders of all the symptoms I've had over the years, and then they were gone - cured.
A lot of hard work, pain and tears followed over the next 2 years, but from that day I knew I could get better.Through my recovery I've experienced a lot of pain all over my body, reliving all my symptoms. releasing stored pain - reliving it. re-awakening pain sensations. more soreness/stiffness the next day.
10months in - It's hard, well it's sore and a lot of crying, but I still feel so much better it's OK. feeling a bit sorry for myself, lack of recognition of my suffering for all these years, melodramatic or just honest? still hard to accept/admit. self consciousness/not wanting to be thought of as making it up.
Only YOU can heal yourself. trauma list....
My recovery from nearly 20 years of depression and a life-time of physical pain has shown me how important the main muscles of movement are to human health.
Without the cental support from the main muscles of movement, stresses are placed on other areas of muscle as the body becomes increasingly imbalanced and misaligned. Adaptations in our connective tissue (trying to provide support and in response to injury) cause restrictions and tension - literally stiffening us as the whole web of our connective tissue is affected. The long-term effects are a wide range of painful (and otherwise unexplained) symptoms all over the body. The damage and stored trauma builds.
The text-book symptoms of fibromyalgia (and all the other pain and weird sensations) I experienced were caused by a long-term misusage of my main muscles of movement and the resulting effects and adaptations of my body of not having this crucial framework providing the central support necessary for pain-free movement and a balanced body.
Movement should not be painful.
© Copyright Leigh Blyth BVM&S 2017-2019